Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed...

Fuck, fuck, FUCK, FUCK!

I've somehow went under by $7 in my bank account. This is a huge crisis because I have NO WAY TO DEPOSIT MONEY because said account is IN OHIO. And there are ZERO National Cities in Washington.

I fucking fail. So fucking hard. I don't know what transferred late, but when I called the bank to check my balance yesterday, there was $60+ in it. I spent money at JoAnn's and that was it.

I wish the people who won my Furbid auctions would send me the money already, like they said they were going to.

This is just fucking lovely. Not only am I COMPLETELY broke now, I have no way to put money back IN TO my account. Which means my account is pretty much FUBARed.

Fucking lovely. This is just what I fucking needed.

I fucking give up at trying to save money, or even get by on what I have. I was doing so well and then I fucked it all up.

Way to fucking go, Ally. Way to fucking go.

I can only cross my fingers and hope that there was a miscalculation or something and my account, at least, ends up in the positive. Even if it's only by a few cents.

It comes to heal your pain, it comes with nothing else but love...

I wish someone would give me some sort of guidebook to deal with these sorts of things. A nice step-by-step procedure to solving all of life's problems.

Everything seems to be falling apart around me and I still have to leave this place with a smile on my face and pretend it's not affecting me. I have to go to work and be perky, even if I'm ranting about life. I have to function like a normal human being, like a functional member of society.

It might end up being another night where I hide in the bathroom at work and cry.

I just don't know what to do. I can't afford her medication. I can't afford a therapist for her. At this point, I can't even afford more alcohol for her to self medicate with. Every moment she's out of my sight, I worry she's going to do something drastic. I don't know what I'd do if she did kill herself. Or even if she just got in the car and drove away. I'm devastated just when she's not talking to me. Could you imagine what I'd be like if she wasn't here anymore?

I already woke up today to discover she's cutting herself again.

At least, back home, she could check herself into the mental ward, if things got too bad. But I don't know how it is out here. And the hospital nearby creeps me the fuck out. I don't know what it is, but there's something off about it.

I just don't know what the fuck to do anymore, really. I wish I had the answer for everything, but my answers generally aren't the appropriate ones for the situation at hand.

For a lifetime I'll be around until the walls you built come tumbling down...

Oh. I guess I don't have to work tonight. Well, that's good.