Stuff and APOLOGIES.

[obliviousally_lj]

I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
I'm sorry I can't function like a normal member of society.
I'm sorry I put my friends and my health before my job.
I'm sorry I can't change my ways.
I'm sorry my way of thinking is so different from yours.
I'm sorry I make you angry so much.
I'm sorry I can't do anything right.

I really wish I could just go to work everyday like a robot. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. Every day for the rest of my life. But I can't. I can't function like that. I'm mentally unable to, as I've realized. I pratically had a panic attack at work last Sunday. A panic attack. Me. These things don't happen to me. I'm cool, calm, collected. But something just...went off and I wasn't myself. It wasn't the people on the phone or anyone at work, I just wasn't myself anymore and I wanted to break down and start crying. I had to go home because I was so uncomfortable and shaken. And today I came home because I was sick. I threw up, for chrissake. I was crampy. I've been crampy for the last two days. I was okay when I left for work and then it hit me a few hours later. How is this my fault? How is it a bad thing if I go home early if I feel I'm unable to work under those conditions?

It's like I can't do anything right no matter how hard I try and how much I do. It never seems to be enough. I wish I could hold everyone up on my own, but I can't. Sometimes I need help up, too. Sometimes I need someone to support me and tell me it's okay. Not to yell at me and get angry at me when I'm doing things for my own health and well being.

I just feel so helpless.

Comments

[spiralpegasus.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[tempisdraco.livejournal.com]

Ally, DON'T be sorry. None of that is yoru fault. If someone gets upset over you being you, well too bad. From what I know of you, you're a really great grrl. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, or try to put you in a box that you don't fit in.