To whom it may concern...

[obliviousally_lj]

Y'know, I still can't figure out if it was me or him who caused the breakup.

I can't seem to make any sense out of this whole ordeal anymore. I really can't. I'm too open minded and living in the now. While he's old fashioned and always 'planning for the future'. I can't get things to mesh properly and it's really aggravating and depressing because she was really so happy with him. And I was happy to see her happy. But some people just can't accept thing. Some people have to be selfish and greedy and god forbid if she wants to feel the same way about someone else. God forbid if you can't open up a little. You said you wanted her to be happy. You said.

She loves you, and she loves me. And that's never going to change. She doesn't want to think about the future, she wants to think about now and about what makes her happy now. The future isn't going to do a damned thing for anyone if we drop dead tomorrow.

I don't hate you. This is just me venting. I need to get this out because this thing is weighing on me as much as it's weighing on either of you. I know you think I shouldn't even be involved in it, but I am. I'm the reason everything happened. I don't regret that. I don't necessarily feel bad about that, but I am involved.

I just wish you could allow yourself to take a risk.

Comments

[moiread]

I am not involved, but I'm getting sick of this issue, so here's my getting involved for all the annoyed, completely unsolicited two cents I'm worth.

Not everyone can do polygamous relationships. Matt is one of them. That is very unfortunate considering the current circumstances, but at the same time perfectly acceptable and valid. He is just as allowed to be not okay with it as you are to be the opposite. The amount of people out there who can actually do polygamy/polyamoury is very, very small -- far smaller, even, than the number of people who THINK they can, because most of them are wrong -- and he is not among them. It doesn't make him very happy either (and makes me personally very sad), because he loves TJ, I know he does, but he can't be in a relationship where the woman he loves is also in love with someone else. Frankly, trying to argue him out of how he feels is about on the same level as trying to argue someone out of being gay. It's not one of those things that's negotiable, however unpleasant that may make certain situations.

"God forbid if she wants to feel the same way about someone else"? I know you're venting because you're upset and frustrated, and I have more sympathy for your situation than you'll ever know, but that is such an absurdly unfair statement it makes my teeth grind. How about God forbid that he has every right to not be okay with it if he really isn't, and to do what he feels is best for himself under those unhappy circumstances. And while we're at it, God forbid he's allowed to do so without such childish pettiness as being lectured on it or called names for it.

[keeperofdreams.livejournal.com]

*sighs* And here's where MY two cents comes in. For the LAST time, Ally and I ARE NOT in a polygamous relationship. We're just TJ and Ally, like we've always been. Friends, sisters, partners in crime, and more than that. But we are NOT dating, we're NOT in any sort of romantic relationship like people seem to be assuming, we're just US. For seven years we've supported one another, carried each other when things got tough, and celebrated when times weren't. We've gone beyond friends, to a bond that I don't even think there's any sort of word to describe it.

We're each other's life support. We keep each other going, we help each other make it through the day reguardless of the situation. Sure, we may fight, we may bicker, but in the end we're still gonna stick by each other no matter what.

Someone once told me that you can't have a best friend and a boyfriend, and that eventually you'll have to choose. That same person also said that while you can find another boyfriend, you can't always find another person like a best friend. Unfortunately, it seems that person was right after all. And to think I just laughed in their face and told them 'I can handle both.' But they were right, and what they said was true.

No offense to Matt, but when the shit hits the fan I'm going to choose someone I've known for 7 years, who has supported my decisions and choices no matter what, who doesn't mind my odd and quirky habits and other such things that I won't delve into right now because some things shouldn't be said on a public forum. And as much as it breaks my heart to have to choose, I WILL NOT let anyone rip away a bond like that between me and her. I KNOW she won't leave me for any reason.

Seven years she's had to work to earn my trust and utter devotion. I don't open up to ANYONE in the blink of an eye. I never have, and probably never fully will, not even to her. But with me, the key word is patience. You have to have a lot of patience to deal with me and the way I handle things in my life. Okay, so I don't like to mention my problems to other people because I don't want to burden them. That's just the way I cope. Trust isn't something I'm just going to give away. It has to be earned, and while it may seem like forever before it happens, it's worth the wait. I am devoted to my friends who have earned it, to the point where I would do ANYTHING for them, even shoot myself in the head if it would make them happy.

In the end, all I want is for my loved ones to be happy. I'd sacrifice my own happiness in a second if it meant putting a smile on the face of someone I cared deeply about, and I tried to do that with Matt. All I wanted was the same from him, and he tried, but this was one thing that he couldn't stomach. So, in order for him to be happy, I sacrificed the relationship. I told him to make a decision and that I would respect it, which I've done. I may not LIKE it, but if it made him feel better, then that's all I wanted. I accomplished my goal, though the path it took to get there wasn't the normal one.

Okay, I'm starting to ramble a bit, but I hope my point is there. Somewhere. Sorry, but that 'OMG you must be POLYGAMOUS!!one111!' bit REALLY got on my nerves. After all, labels make me want to kill. This...thing has no label. It just IS.

[nachitor.livejournal.com]

I am aware that you cannot make that choice, and I did not want to force you to make it, which is why I ended the relationship. I did not and still do not wish to cause any complications in the deeper friendship you and Alaina share.

I was not planning on replying to this post as it is complete garbage and the most hypocritical thing I have read since visiting georgebush.com last night. I do not have to explain my choices. They are made, it is done, and I believe I have done what is best for everyone involved.

You are not "the reason everything happened", Alaina. In truth this development was simply another grain on a mound of troubles and problems with this relationship. It happened to be the grain that forced me to see the truth of the matter.

The last line of this post is the only one that actively angers me. You do not talk to me about taking risks. I may be a cautious person, but when it came to this relationship I took more risks than I should have. Furthermore, one takes a risk when one does not know what the outcome will be. I know how this would end up. I can see down that road, and I can tell that it would not be a pleasant one for any of us.

In the end, I will continue to believe that the choices I have made were and continue to be for the best. Boyfriends such as me come and go, and I know that in time you will find another one who is less of a 'selfish' person, perhaps not so 'greedy', and hopefully capable of living entirely in the now without any thought of the consequences or the future. I will continue to hope that you find your perfect mate, and am only sorry that I am not a different person so that it could be me.

I would appreciate it, at this point, if we could be done discussing this. I would like to get some sleep or perhaps actually be able to work on one of my many overdue projects, which is not possible in my current harried state. I do not see any need for further dialogue, name-throwing or finger-pointing than has already be perpetrated.

...

[jillofthejungle.livejournal.com]

Not that I need to but in 'cause I ain't taking any side in this, but I would assume polygamy would imply that TJ and Ally are in a relationship other than friendship. They're friends. They're not lovers. Friends. You can love a friend and still just be friends. They become someone so very important to you, like family, sometimes even more so. But that doesn't make it a lover's relationship.

Re: ...

[keeperofdreams.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Oh, btw, I've still got stuff to mail to you from, like, a year ago. o_o; I mean, it's all TMNT stuff, and I'd hate to see it sit around here and go to waste. *grins* Want it? It can be an early x-mas present or something...

[moiread]

I'm glad TJ has finally figured out exactly what her feelings for Ally are, but that is not how they were originally presented. Even a few weeks ago, when she and I talked about it, she clearly said she didn't know if she loved Ally (friend) of if she was in love with Ally (more). It was explicitly stated that she was uncertain about her feelings and that they may have been of the same nature and level as those for Matt, if not stronger and more unique.

No matter how you spin it, that is the crux, that is what caused the problem, and it is NOT THAT SURPRISING that it would. Come on, people. If TJ had gone to Matt, said she loved Ally as her best friend, and asked if he was okay with it, do you really think he would do anything other than reply, "Duh, 'cuz I already knew that"?!

I cannot believe this shit.