-_-

[obliviousally_lj]

Aries - Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Even if you've been trying to stay focused, these can be pretty crazy times for you Rams. You have a significant amount of energy aimed in a narrowly tuned band of attention, but it seems like the tighter you pull it all in, the crazier things become. You might just as well give up. This doesn't, however, mean setting your goals aside. It just means that you may get there in a way that is very different from what you imagined.

Wow.

I've been in the crappiest, most aggravating mood the last two days. Why? We may or may not be keeping the apartment. It all comes down to money and the fact that we should have been moved in at the beginning of the month and we're still going to have to pay for the whole month, even though we weren't actually living there. But I got the key, so it's my responsibility, understandable. I can deal with that. Alot of factors went into us not moving in immediately. But what really fucks things up, is that rent for next month is due on the 3rd. Two weeks to come up with $250. And, on top of having to pay the rent this month, we've got to pay our $60 cell bill, get a land line for the phone set up so we can have internet, and buy food. We've also, in the time frame of 4 weeks, have to move, and get rid of possibly more than half of our animals. This does not make for a happy Ally. And we're moving into a place that's smaller than where we live now. Which would be fine, if it was just the two of us.

It's just all so very overwhelming when I'm not working and we barely have enough money to survive as is, without having to drop $250 a month on an apartment. TJ alone doesn't even make $250 in a month. And even if I magically get a job within the week, I won't be getting paid until sometime next month. It's not like we have a bunch of relatives that can help us. I don't know how much my mom will be able to help and that's the only family that will help.

And I talked to Peril last night and she,'s right about the fact that we can get food stamps once we have our own place and it'll be better for our sanity, especially TJ's, but it's just so much to take it.

I really should just suck it up and just do it, that's what I try to do, but this is such a big thing and I already hate moving, I've done it all my life. I got settled and comfortable here, despite living with the Hag, but she locks herself in her room all the time and doesn't bother us once I yell at her about eating our food or using our stuff.

I just don't know what to do. This whole apartment thing is more or less on me. And it's so much to deal with. I was so upset about everything yesterday that I was crying. Then I snapped at TJ and went to bed. Something I shouldn't have done, but it happened. And I'm sorry. I talked to Peril and she's got this whole package that she's going to send to us once we get moved and stuff and everyone's wanting us to get this place...

I just don't know what to do right now. Maybe I should just do it and not worry about what's going to happen...

Damnit, I feel like crying again.

[ EDIT ] MOTHERFUCK. This goddamn apartment and money shit is screwing everything the flaming fuck up. I just got an e-mail letting me know that the first Colossal Con staff meeting is, guess what, this fucking Friday. Which means we're not going to be able to attend because we'll be broke. Fucking christ.