Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake...

If there's anything I genuinely, wholly hate about being female, it's the horrible moodiness/hormonal mood swings I get around my period. I hate them more than anything that has ever existed. Ever. I hate crying at the drop of a hat. I hate KNOWING I'm overreacting or being stupid about what I'm thinking or getting upset about, yet remaining upset about it regardless. I'm not in control of my own goddamn emotions and I fucking hate it.

It doesn't help that when I get upset or sad or angry, everyone around me assumes that THEY'VE done something wrong and I'M a bad person for feeling the way I feel when, in reality, I have no fucking control over why I'm feeling that way and all I want is a hug and some cry time. I can tell people over and over and over that I'm not upset with them, that this mood will pass, just give it some time, but it never really registers, I don't think.

I don't remember the last time someone has hugged me and just let me cry. I really don't. I'm left quietly sobbing to myself, muffling the noise with pillows or fabric so as not to upset or disturb anyone. There's never any real reason behind my crying. Sometimes it's a sad song, sometimes it's something dumb I've read, sometimes it's just the cats laying there looking cute.

I'm always, always, ALWAYS there for everyone else when they need me, even if they've upset me. I will always put aside my gripes or whatever to make sure that they're comforted.

I hate being overly emotional. I want to be emotional of my own accord.