Things in my head.
Jan. 15th, 2003 01:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
obliviousally_ljMy sister, Adri's birthday was yesterday. I didn't even realize it until the evening. And I couldn't have called to wish ehr a happy one anyways because Jean the bitch would have hung up on me. That pisses me off so bad. >_< I raised those fucking kids, and I've only seen them...once since '98/'99. All because of psychofuck Jean and her brainwashing and contempt of court shit. I think my grandma's still waiting to see what went down with the last hearing. She didn't file contempt charges. I would have. Put that bitch in her fucking place.
I just want to be able to spend time with my sibilings. I want to be able to fucking see them, at least. Even if it is under her supervision.
I hope to god that I don't need to file my own case against her. Cause I'll give her fucking hell.
Hmm. Everythings awake in my head and I don't know why. It's weird. I'll get like this every now and then. When I feel like I need to push everything out of there and somewhere. Anywhere where people can hear. So I feel like someone's listening and understanding. So I don't have to talk about this shit that upsets me and wind up in tears. Because I hate crying in front of people. Makes me feel so vunerable and small. So fucking weak.
Winter makes me like this, too. Winter's such a lonely fucking season. I hate it. All snow and holed up inside the house. And bitter and angry drivers and people always being unpleasant. Hatehatehate. I want summer again. Spring and summer and autumn. All the time. At least then, when I'm feeling like shit or want to be alone I can walk, or sit out in the sun, and pretend everything's peachy and fine.
My mind's so fucked up. I don't understand it. I don't expect anyone to. Everything in my head it just there and it goes and does what it pleases and it's very strange.
Have to take the Dom gerbil back later. Cause his temperment is bad and he nipped TJ the other day. Plus, he nipped me a few days ago. Might get another, I dunno.
I just want to be able to spend time with my sibilings. I want to be able to fucking see them, at least. Even if it is under her supervision.
I hope to god that I don't need to file my own case against her. Cause I'll give her fucking hell.
Hmm. Everythings awake in my head and I don't know why. It's weird. I'll get like this every now and then. When I feel like I need to push everything out of there and somewhere. Anywhere where people can hear. So I feel like someone's listening and understanding. So I don't have to talk about this shit that upsets me and wind up in tears. Because I hate crying in front of people. Makes me feel so vunerable and small. So fucking weak.
Winter makes me like this, too. Winter's such a lonely fucking season. I hate it. All snow and holed up inside the house. And bitter and angry drivers and people always being unpleasant. Hatehatehate. I want summer again. Spring and summer and autumn. All the time. At least then, when I'm feeling like shit or want to be alone I can walk, or sit out in the sun, and pretend everything's peachy and fine.
My mind's so fucked up. I don't understand it. I don't expect anyone to. Everything in my head it just there and it goes and does what it pleases and it's very strange.
Have to take the Dom gerbil back later. Cause his temperment is bad and he nipped TJ the other day. Plus, he nipped me a few days ago. Might get another, I dunno.
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Date: 2003-01-15 11:15 am (UTC)Last night I went to Ridgewood Lake and wandered about for a half-hour enjoying the scenery and a nice cigar. It was beautiful out there, I tell ya. Nobody but me, a scared rabbit, and over five dozen surprisingly quiet ducks.
The moral of the story: If winter has you and everybody else down, go off to the riverside where everybody else isn't and enjoy the winter scenes while you still can. :D