To: TJ - "Never close your lips to those to whom you have opened your heart."

There's nothing more than friendship between me and Noir. Seriously.

You know I just want you to be happy. Because if you're happy I'm happy. And when you're depressed, I'm depressed. And I cant' do anything about it. I can't enjoy anything if I know you're not happy. And it's not me being selfish, god no. It's the fact that I care so god damn much about you that everything you do effects me somehow. It frustrates me and angers me and makes me sad to the point that I want to tear my hair out beacause I cant' get through to you. And I try to help. I TRY SO HARD. And you push me away. WHY? Why do you do that?! You know I'm not going to hurt you, I never would, I couldn't stand myself if I did. You mean that much to me. But I want to help you. I want you to be able to come to me with ANYTHING that's wrong and get it out of your system. Even if it means yelling and screaming at me. I don't want you to have to keep everything holed up inside. I understand that you can't tell anyone else. But why can't you tell ME? Why can't you tell the person that's been there for you the most, the one that understands you that most...

And he came over last night because he wanted to. Because he was worried about you. And he said that, if him being around was going to endanger me friendship with you, he'd simply vanish. But I don't want that to happen. I find someone that we both get along with, and everything falls apart. He said you shouldn't have to feel left out, that he wants to hang out with you, too, because you guys were getting along and having interesting conversation the other evening. I was SO HAPPY that you got along with him. So happy. But...what happened?

I know this stems from the John thing. I know it does. And...I don't know how to fix that. I would if I could, and you know that. But...what can I do? You won't talk to me. I want to help you so bad, and I know you want help from someone, so....why? Why can't you come to me and talk? What's so horrible about me that makes you shy away? What did I do that's making you not trust me?

I just...I don't know what to do. I'm confused, and I want to help you, but you won't let me. I'd rather have you screaming and yelling at me than ignoring me and being silent.

You know I'll do anything for you (aside from aiding you in physically hurting yourself), but you won't tell me how to help.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."